the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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