Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You can't motorboat a personality
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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