Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
