I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
