Moan for me like Helen Keller
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
