Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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