Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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