I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
