fuck your aforementioned shoe
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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