you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
