Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
