I don't usually arrange sex via text message
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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