I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
