I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
