just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
