guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
