I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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