yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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