She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
