so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
