so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i think i just lost a toe
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
