this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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