Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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