we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
