But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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