Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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