ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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