When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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