And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
