just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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