You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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