do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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