I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
