She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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