she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
