So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
