my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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