We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
