I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
