dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
