69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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