Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
