I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Congratulations! We have a period
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