So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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