I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
