Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
