3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
