I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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