dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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