Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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