I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
