why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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