just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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